No stitches, just platelets and will power
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
