Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
