he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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