Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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