Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
