so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
