one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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