i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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