He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
