you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
