I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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