he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
