Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize