Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
