I am in a vortex of obligation.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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