Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
