oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
