HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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