Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
