margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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