You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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