I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
