return my video game
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
bring money and cleavage
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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