I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
