Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
