the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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