you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
