Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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