sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
