the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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