I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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