Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he thought i was a dude.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
