I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
