Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize