im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
