i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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