I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize