so that wasnt chicken after all
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
