Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
