Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
