i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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