If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
