I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
