i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
