After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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