she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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