This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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