If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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