I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
