mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize