the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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