i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize