god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize