i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
