I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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