It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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