She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
