i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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