You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
