you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
