I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
