I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize