I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
