it was like eating out sand paper
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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